Who Are We?

            At some point in their lives, I'm pretty sure everyone asks themselves, “Who am I?” It’s such a simple question, but the answer is always elusive. That’s not too surprising; after all, a personality is such a complex thing, how can you even begin to define it?

            I did a lot of self-searching in my younger days (yes, yes, I know I'm not old enough to be saying that), so I thought I’d share my insights for anyone they might help.

I think everyone feels that, at their core, there is some part of them that truly defines them as a unique individual. It’s that part of us that we try to get in touch with when we start questioning who we are. It may be some instinct defined in our genetic code, the ideals we learned from our parents when we were young or something else entirely. I don’t know – I doubt anyone does.

            For me, I’d long ago lost touch with that core because I hadn't liked who it was telling me to be. So, when I was still a kid, I’d pretended to be a better person until it became true. I was truly surprised when I started my self-searching and discovered this. I had been able to change who I was, down to the centre of my being, into someone I wanted to be.

            Still, even with that knowledge, it was hard to define who I was and what I believed in. Because, as I said before, we are complicated. How do you define the many facets of a personality?

            Then I landed on the saying, “We are the sum of our experiences.” That says it all, but what does it mean? It means that everything that happens in your life becomes a part of you. Every interaction with every person you've ever met becomes a part of you. Everything you see, hear, touch, taste, smell, think and do becomes a small part of who you are.

            Even the smallest experiences can change who we are. Finding a $20 bill in a parking lot might turn us into an optimist, scanning the ground for money wherever we go. On the other hand, finding that we've misplaced a $20 bill we were certain we had might make us paranoid about people stealing from us. We change.

            Other people are the greatest influence. Humans are social beings; we thrive on shared knowledge and wisdom. Other people change our minds on subjects, or we change theirs. More than that, though, what they think of us changes who we are – or, more pointedly, what we think they think of us changes who we are. Either by trying to live up to their expectations or by trying to prove we aren't who they think we are, we change.

            When we start to think about this, we tend to fight back, because if we’re influenced by so many other things, are we still true to ourselves? Are we still the unique, free individuals we believe we are? The answer is yes, and I’ll tell you why.

            No one experiences the same things in their lives. Everyone reacts differently to each situation. All those little things come together to form a person who is unlike any other.

            But if we’re influenced by other people, are we still true to ourselves? Yes, we are, because that’s what a person is. While they’re influencing you, you’re influencing them. The only way to avoid this is to shut yourself up where you have no contact with other people – and even that doesn't work, because the decision to do that would be made with the influence of the knowledge that others were influencing you.

            Without the influences of other people, we probably wouldn't even be aware we are people ourselves. Where we get to have our say is in choosing how we want to allow our interactions with others to change us,

            That, right there, is what I've come to discover is the most important aspect of our personality – who we want to be. It can give us as close to a definition of who we are as anything can, because even if it isn't who we are yet, it is who we strive to be.

            As for everything else, it is simply an influence. Be it what people think, say or do, or a $20 bill in the right place at the right time, it changes how we view the world and react to it – but we can also choose how we let it affect us. We can choose whether or not it takes us towards who we want to be.

            Of course, because of how complicated we and the world around us are, who we want to be is changing constantly as well. When you think about it, it’s hardly surprising that so many people get confused when trying to define themselves.

            So, in the end, who are we? Quite simply, we are the people doing the best we can, hoping to be the best we can be.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

My Life and Times of D&D

            When I first started playing Dungeons and Dragons, it was with edition 3.5 (okay, that’s not entirely true, technically my friend and I invented our own version before that, but I don’t think that counts). At the time, I didn't really understand the mechanics of the game since I was being taught on the fly, but that didn't stop me from enjoying it. Because of the sporadic nature of our playing, though, I never really took the time to learn that version of the game, as much as I enjoyed it.

            Years and years later, I started playing 4^th edition D&D with my wife and a couple of friends. I was the only experienced player (except for the friend running the game), so to make sure I could best help my allies learn, I read the Player’s Handbook cover-to-cover.

            I now had an understanding of the game far greater than I could imagine. We played and had a lot of fun, but it didn't last very long because the friend running the game got very sick.

            The next time I played, it was with my family. This time, my wife was the only experienced player, as I was the Dungeon Master running the game. At this point, I’d still only read the Player’s Handbook (I didn't want to invest in the other two main source books until I knew we were going to keep playing) and the adventure I was running was modified from a free one online.

            I did end up getting the other books – The Monster Manuel and the Dungeon Master’s Guide – and I also read those cover-to-cover. Now I understood the game extremely well and my imagination danced with the possibilities of what I could do. Ironically, my family have never played again after that, largely due to how busy everyone has become.

            I did, however, start playing much later with my wife and sister-in-law (and occasionally her boyfriend). Through running a game with my new knowledge, I started to master my Dungeon Master skills.

            Then, over the course of last year, 5^th edition D&D was released. Extremely out of character for me, I bought each of the three core books as they came out. When I read these, my jaw dropped. In essence, it was the same game, but these books contained so much more.

            The 4^th edition of the game has received a lot of criticism – so much so that it almost killed the brand. It was extremely rules-based, designed so that every player would be completely balanced with all the others; no one would be powerful than anyone else. The rules also focused almost entirely on the combat side of the game, which isn't good for a role playing game where the goal is group storytelling. Not really knowing any better, I hadn't seen a problem with it.

            But then, 5^th edition. It went way beyond the mechanics of the game. It went in-depth into character development, world building and even plot structure that I would advise any writer (especially of fantasy) to pick up the Player’s Handbook and Dungeon Master’s Guide just to learn all they have to teach.

            More than that, simply reading the book made me desperately want to play the game. Normally when playing games I have particular classes I want to play (usually rogues or other stealthy roles), but this game made me want to play everything. It made me sad, because I knew that, as a Dungeon Master, I was unlikely to ever get to play as a character again.

            I did come up with a solution to that, though. My wife and I have started an experimental game where we’re running the game cooperatively and both playing characters. In addition, we’re using Minecraft to make our maps for playing on/in. So far, it’s working out quite well! In fact, we’re writing it all down, so I may end up sharing the interesting story with you in episodes as the adventure unfolds.

            In conclusion, Dungeons and Dragons is fun for friends and family, 5^th edition is amazing, and people learning to write should read those books. This blog was in no way endorsed by Wizards of the Coast. Thanks for reading.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

Cultural Shifts

            My parents recently returned from a trip to China and I was particularly struck by the stories about the current cultural structure they have. They are currently in a transition from communism (where – at least in theory – everyone is provided what they need, but no one really owns anything) to capitalism (where people earn money based on their work and their job and use that money to buy whatever they need or want – or just stockpile it). Since this is a rather extreme mix, they've ended up with a fascinating mash-up of the two, with an odd class system in the middle.

            In the cities live the “citizens”, who have money, rights and all those sorts of things. They own and rent property – although the prices are extremely high and the spaces are small – and function much as we in the Western world would expect.

            On the other hand, out in the country live the “peasants” – mostly farmers who are paid very little and own nothing. Yet, at the same time, they live in houses free of charge and often these homes are nicer and have more space than those of the privileged “citizens”.

            In this system, the “peasants” who work very hard and sacrifice much can buy their way into being a “citizen” – the tour guide was one of these and had made the proud step with much hard work and with the help and sacrifice of his parents. The people seem very proud of their transition into capitalism.

            What I found most interesting about the current state of the system is how close it currently is to ancient Rome. There they had slaves. There were rules about how they could be treated and at a certain age they could be released. They even (at least legally) had the ability to save up money to buy their way to freedom and possibly even a citizenship (if I'm remembering correctly).

            The sad part, though, is that with the change to capitalism, China is starting to lose its artists. In a system where everyone is provided for equally, there is plenty of room for people to focus on developing talents and artwork – and beyond that, there is no need to charge for that art what it is really worth. Switching to a capitalistic system, the artists need to make an hourly wage for their work. With all the detail and care that goes into any given piece of art, it is rarely possible to sell it at a price where someone will actually buy it. So, the artists of a country largely defined by its art are slowly fading away.

            The same problem has struck in the farming community as well, causing a food crisis for the country. Many farmers are abandoning rice fields in favour of fishing, where there is much more money to be made.

            Hearing about this culture and its shift is very enlightening and inspiring to me as a writer, creating my own world and cultures. However, as a resident of this world, I can’t help but feel sad about it. The world leans so heavily towards capitalism, where money is valued above all else. There’s an emphasis on getting as much money as you can, regardless of whose toes you step on to get it. The worst part is that it gives the impression of working well, so many people get behind it and cheer it on – especially the people who have figured out how to make the system work for them and don’t see everyone left behind.

            But where would we be if everyone managed to get the system to work for them? What if all the “unimportant” minimum-wage workers suddenly up and vanished, having found a better way to live? Who would flip our burgers? Who would cash us out and stock the shelves in grocery stores? Who would grow the food?

            Capitalism is clearly not the way to go. They say money is the root of all evil and all you need to do is look at the world to know that it is true.

            What will work better instead? Honestly, I don’t know. I've put a lot of thought into it and every time I think I have a solution, I find a way that human greed will turn it against itself. But I keep hoping and thinking. Perhaps someday I will come up with the answer, or someone else will. Then it will be our turn for a cultural shift.

            Until then, all I can do is share my insights and hope that they might make a difference.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

What is it About Darkness?

            Colleen was out of the country with her family for most of the week, leaving me at home and in charge of the various animals in the house (For those who don’t regularly follow this blog, I live with my in-laws with the house separated into two separate units). It was on an overcast night when I was taking the dog out before bed that I noticed just how dark it was. We live out in the country, so the only lights around at night are the ones on the houses. Outside the bubble of light from the house, the rest of the one-acre property was almost completely black.

            My stomach clenched in its way of saying, “We’re not really going out there, are we?” while the dog tugged playfully at the end of his leash. It struck me, then, how much instinct we have built into our system – and close to the top of those instincts is a fear of the dark.

            I found myself wondering why that is. The answer is obvious for if we look to the past, before we had all this technology – back then, there was a lot of danger out in the darkness. Now, though, we've tamed the world. At least, the parts we live in. There’s almost no chance of a threat being out there.

            Yet, still, our instincts tell us to freeze – to stay in the safety of the light. We know it is safe. In my case, I even had a dog with me, with senses far better than mine, showing no signs of distress.

            Still, I hesitated. My instincts told me not to go. I realized that it was more about the uncertainty than the darkness itself. I'm used to being able to see everything around me, of knowing when there was a threat. What the darkness hid wasn't something I was afraid of, but the potential of something – anything – being out there. The fear wasn't of the dark, but of the inability to know for certain everything was fine, even though I was already certain.

            Once I left the “safety” of the light, my eyes started adjusting to the darkness. It wasn't so much that I could see everything, but I could see enough to feel comfortable and confident. That’s when I realised there could be something more behind our innate fear of darkness.

            Our ability to create light.

            Ever since we discovered how to make fire, humans have been able to control light and banish the darkness. Our instincts became based around staying in the light, where we could see clearly. Meanwhile, those same instincts gradually forgot that by being out in the darkness for just a little while, our eyes adjust and we can actually see fairly well. So, we keep to the light.

            The ironic part is that someone (or something) out in the dark can actually see more than someone in the light. More than that, from the darkness, someone in the light sticks out as a clear target.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.