Respect: Given or Earned?

            I don’t know about the rest of you, but I grew up with this phrase (or variations of it) being said: Respect isn't given, it has to be earned. I believed it, too, for a while. It seemed only logical. How can respect be given to someone who hasn't earned it?

            There is one problem with that method, though. Often the lack of respecting someone prior to them earning respect leads to disrespecting them. The result is that some people are never even given the chance to earn respect.

            This is most common in large businesses. New employees are next to worthless, so it’s very hard for them to get anywhere, let alone move up. The same goes for social circles – the new person entering a group is likely to be looked down on until they earn the respect of others. There’s a good chance that they’ll leave the group before that happens because of the inherent disrespect towards those who have not earned respect yet.

            This is why I came up with my own way of handling respect – by “came up with” I really mean “I was thinking about it one day and realised that this is what I do”. Rather than give respect (which can lead to severe disappointment and other problems) or requiring it to be earned, I loan people my respect.

            How do I do that? Well, it’s really quite simple. When I meet someone new, I treat them with the utmost respect. I take it on faith that they have qualities worth respecting, so I give them the benefit of the doubt and allow them to earn their respect without having to fight upstream. It’s far easier on them and I get to skip over suspiciously eyeballing them, wondering if I really want them around or not.

            That may sound a bit like giving respect, more than loaning it, apart from the respect still needing to be earned. You may be wondering how the loan gets paid back, but the answer is quite simple. When you treat someone with respect, they are more likely to respect you. The end result is that we both skip over the judgemental part of meeting someone new and everything gets off to a great start.

            What if someone doesn't earn the respect I loaned them? Well, I should start by telling you it’s exceedingly rare. So far, just about everyone I've ever met has deserved my respect – never underestimate the number of remarkable people who are out there.

            What the few people who don’t earn my respect have done is more easily described as losing my respect. In fact, it takes so much to lose my respect that I don’t think anyone who’s lost it has ever earned it back. That’s the consequence of defaulting on the loan. Do I somehow cash in on the respect I loaned? No. That is made up for by all the good that comes out of all the people who deserved my respect and might not have gotten it if I hadn't given them a chance.

            In the end, there’s no harm (at least to you) that can come from loaning out your respect, rather than demanding it be earned. You get to respect people faster and earn their respect faster in turn. And, since one good turn deserves another, you could always pass on this philosophy and help our society become more respectful and respected.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

The Life and Times of Duel Love

            Today I shall share with you the tale of the only play I've ever written and how, after sitting dormant for seven years, it managed to find its way onto a stage.

            The story starts in 2006 when I was in my fifth and final year of high school, during my grade 11 drama class (I came to drama late in my school career, as my optional courses went to music classes first). It was at this point in time that we were assigned a play to write. I don’t remember all of the parameters we were required to follow, but the play had to be one act (30 minutes or shorter), have 3 scenes, 4 actors, take place in a realistic setting and convey some sort of message. We were also encouraged to not attempt to write a comedy because of how difficult humour is to write.

            Well, I've always been one for following the rules, but I've also always been one for bending said rules to suite my needs. Being told I needed a realistic setting was the first thing I needed to work with – after all, even then everything I wrote was fantasy. So, I got as close as I could and set it in medieval times.

            As for making the play a comedy, well, the plot that jumped into my mind required it. Thus, Duel Love, a play about two knights having a sword duel over a woman (the fairest in the land) was born, written with a very British style of humour.

            After all the plays were written, one scene from each of them was read to the class and we voted on four of them that were to be performed. Duel Love came out on top and, as a result, I ended up directing it for a summative assignment.

            The play came together wonderfully – even though I had at least one of my actors absent from all but two of the rehearsals. Then, on the day of the performance (which had been delayed by a couple snow days) one of my actresses didn't show up until a couple minutes before we had to go on stage. And, of course, the one time an actor forgot his line, I had managed to lose my copy of the script on the opposite side of the stage, and the two knights just stood there with their swords crossed, staring blankly at each other until I managed to remember the line and call it out.

            In spite of the hiccoughs, the performance was wonderful – everything I could have hoped for with my play, or so I thought. Then the play was put aside, only to be read periodically when someone in my house stumbled across the script.

            That might have been the end of Duel Love – I hadn't even read it in three or more years when, last summer, I received a message on Facebook from someone I’d never heard of before. It turned out to be the sister of one of my play’s actors, who happens to be the director at Maybles’ Productions – a small theatre company. She told me that she’s been fruitlessly searching for the playwright who went to school with her brother and had written Duel Love. The script had been accepted as part of a one act play festival, but now she needed permission to use it – if I was the playwright, of course.

            Well, how could I possibly say no to that? I informed her that she’d found the right person and she was welcome to use the scrip. I was thanked profusely and she told me that she’d loved the script from the day her brother brought it home and was excited to finally be able to perform it. She also asked if I’d be able to come to see the play – as if I’d miss it.

            In the months leading up to the play, I began to get a little nervous about a few things I was being told as the rehearsals progressed. First was that my script had been edited – something no writer likes to hear without having a say in it. Then the play started getting promoted as Monty Python and Princess Bride inspired – something that I took as a compliment, but didn't really see until I was told that the cast had workshopped the script and added a bunch of references.

            At this point, I only had one thought in my head: “What have they done to my play!?” I could have stepped up and said something – requested that they send me a copy of their improved script for approval – but I chose to hold my tongue. I knew there was a chance that they’d turned the play into something I wouldn't like, but I also knew that their changes could be fantastic. So, I waited until the performance (a week and a half ago) to find out.

            Now, one thing that is important to know about writing comedy is that, by the time you’re done, your jokes aren't very funny to you anymore because of how often you've "heard" them. An additional tidbit of information is that I'm not much of a laugh-out-loud person. Those, together, should tell you how well the play went when I say I was doubled over laughing for the entire performance.

            It was fantastic! The changes I was so worried about only made the play better, and the actors played their roles far beyond my expectations of how the characters had been written. It was truly incredible to see my words come to life as they did, and to hear the surrounding audience laughing along with me.

            When the awards were announced, I was thrilled to hear that Duel Love had earned Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor and Best Production. Congratulations, cast and crew, and thank you for taking my words and crafting a masterpiece.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

Something to Remember

            Or at least something to think about. After all, I'm not here to tell you what to think. I'm here to tell you what I think. It’s entirely up to you to decide if you agree with me.

            Remembrance Day has been a bee in my bonnet since (I believe) 2007, when I discovered that the day no longer meant what I was brought up to believe.

            I'm not familiar with what November 11^th represents in other countries, but here in Canada we call it Remembrance Day. Regardless of the country, though, the day marks the end of the first World War in 1918. I was taught – by my parents, in school and in church – that this was the day where we paused to remember how terrible war is. Even though we had never seen the war, we were taught about all the death, pain and suffering caused by the world wars. We were taught to be thankful to those who fought and lost so much.

            The reason we were taught all of this was to pass on one message to us: Don’t let it happen again. Remember. Remember what happened and don’t make the same mistakes. Do not let it happen again.

            That’s what I was taught, or at least how I interpreted it, and it’s what I still believe. The whole point of Remembrance Day is to pass on the stories so that we know to avoid wars in the future. It’s especially important as, more and more, we’re able to destroy the planet with our weapons.

            So, in 2007, my mother (a minister) was doing a joint Remembrance Ray service with another church. Normally I wouldn't have been there, as I'm not a church regular, but this time I was singing a solo – “Last Night I Had the StrangestDream” by Simon and Garfunkle. It is a song that supports the view of November 11^th that I described above: celebrating and remembering the end of wars. That was also the theme of the entire service with the exception of one thing. A poem.

            Now, as it turned out, my mother was sick on the day of the service and unable to attend – otherwise she probably would have stopped this poem. She told me afterwards that no one had known the theme of this poem in advance; someone had just asked if they could read it. She also learned at her weekly ministers’ breakfast that this poem had been read at every other church in town, always presented in the same way without anyone knowing what it was about.

            This poem said the exact opposite of everything the service was about. It was about the glories of battle and how heroic and wonderful it is to fight in war. It was outright propaganda.

            The same year, a street not too far from my home was renamed to “Veterans’ Memorial Parkway” and I've heard that this also happened across the country.

            From that day on, just about everything I've heard about Remembrance Day has been about hero-worshipping veterans. Telling people how glorious it is to go to war. I've even read that the Canadian Legion, which holds a trademark on the poppy, have been pressing charges against people using it to support peace.

            Now I have to ask myself, how has this happened? This is Canada. We’re known throughout the world as being nice, polite and peace-loving. Yet, suddenly, our day for remembering the atrocities of war so we can promote peace has become a day about the glories or war.

            We’re told over and over again to be thankful to the people who fought for our peace and freedom. I’ve always felt that the best way to thank them is by not throwing away more lives. I also have to wonder, how many of the veterans who are still alive from the World Wars are in favour of this hero-worship? Because it seems to me that, by making the day about them, we belittle what they fought for.

            It’s such a great disappointment to me that this day has degraded so much. Wouldn't it be wonderful if Remembrance Day became entirely about promoting peace? Especially if that ideal spread world wide? It may not end all wars, but it would sure cut down on them.

            Oh yeah, I forgot that it won’t happen because war is good for the economy. And money is far more valuable than lives.

            There, my real-world issues ranting is done for a while. Next week, we shall return to the usual happy-go-lucky randomness.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.

Blog for Vendetta

            “Remember, remember, the fifth of November, the gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.”

            That’s right! Tomorrow is Guy Fawkes day, or as I like to call it, V for Vendetta day. Ever since I discovered the movie, I have watched it every year on the fifth of November. Why? Because it’s a great movie full of wonderful messages and the fact that the story takes place surrounding the fifth of November gives me the perfect excuse to watch it on the same day.

            Not that I need an excuse.

            What’s it about, then, this movie? Well, if you haven’t already, I’d suggest you watch it yourself. I will, however, try to give you the general idea as spoiler free as possible for those of you who haven’t seen it. For those of you who have, who knows? Maybe I’ll point out something you missed.

            The most obvious thing V for Vendetta is about is revenge (it may as well be in the title), but I hardly need to mention that. I doubt there are any revenge messages out there that we haven’t all heard in dozens of stories.

            What else is it about, then? Human nature, power, freedom, love, manipulation, fear, politics.... The list goes on. When I first watched the movie, I was largely drawn to it because I've always been particularly drawn to heroes (or anti-heroes, in most cases) who fight for ideals I believe in – Robin Hood, Zoro, the Dread Pirate Roberts – and V fit the bill perfectly.

            In recent years, however, the movie has had a new pull for me. It’s a warning. I can’t watch the movie without seeing the political system – one where the government rules by fear – as a very real potential future for our world. And that scares me.

            I know that, right now, it seems a little laughable that the world could be taken over by fear-driven tyranny, but look closely at the sort of political campaigns we have these days. They’re mostly based around telling us all the bad things about the opposition. It’s a war to see who can be made to look the worst – and it works. The result is that we vote based on who we’re afraid to have in control of our country, rather than who we think will do a good job running the country.

            That’s the first step into the world becoming that of the one in V for Vendetta.

            Enough of my political tirade and back to the movie, which, through writing this, I have discovered a new way to appreciate. It is a perfect example of something I believe is important in all fiction: the reflection of reality. It’s a story that is enjoyable simply as entertainment, but if you look deep enough you can apply it to our own world. That is artistic expertise right there.

            So, I invite you to do as I have done. Make the fifth of November a day to remember by sitting down and watching V for Vendetta. Perhaps if we spread the word, people will see how they're being manipulated and we’ll avoid the day when the world is controlled by fear. In the very least, you’ll get to see how incredibly expressive Hugo Weaving can be from behind a Guy Fawkes mask. It’s impressive.

Click here to find the charity anthology containing a couple of my short stories.

If there's any subject you'd like to see me ramble on about, feel free to leave a comment asking me to do so.